Thursday, April 23, 2009

Ignorance vs Stupidity take 2

First off I can't believe it has been two months since I last posted. Now to get to why I felt the need to post for the first time in two months.

I come home tonight sometime around midnight and walk into the house only to find my wife wide awake on the couch obviously frustrated. I find this particularly weird seeing as I received a text somewhere around ten o clock saying she was exhausted and going to bed. So we go through or normal how was your day, how was work stint and finally I ask what it bothering her. She then turns to me and says not one but two people have questioned our motives behind having our kids and her on a GFCFSF diet. One went as far as to say that all of the recovery that we have seen may just be in her head. First off unless you have any idea what we have been through in the past five years with our kids you should never ever open your mouth and question what we (mostly her) have been through. Secondly if you ever want to see what a pissed off 6'1" 250 pound prior state champion wrestling American Asian looks like up close and personal, do something that will upset my wife. I can't explain the rage that shoots through my body when someone upsets my wife. I have come a long way with my anger issues, but when I see my wife visibly upset, it makes me want to put someones head through a brick wall.

Then I read Granolas blog and realized that there really is just a difference between ignorance and stupidity. These two people who questioned our motives are just ignorant. Not in the mean spirited, "Hey your and idiot" way, but in the uninformed uneducated way. They choose to question a field in which they have no experience or education in. They choose to draw judgement based on what they may have heard from other uneducated ignorant people, or read a quick article about that was written by someone who has never had to experience what we have first hand. Kind of like the whole 101 ways to please your man... written by "some woman". My wife has poured her life into making sure our kids have the absolute best nutritious food entering their body. She has spent night after night month after month year after year researching various websites and reading various books to make sure that everything she is doing is not only safe, but beneficial in every way in helping cure our children. So excuse us for not running down to the local McDonald's and ordering the cheeseburger and fries with chocolate milk to drink, but instead run to the local Nutrition World to get the all natural chemical free fish sticks to feed our kids. Someone better call Children and Family Services because those crazy Bush's are feeding there kids home grown vegetables that Granola planted herself and grew without the use of any chemicals. I mean isn't it abuse if we don't let them eat fried chicken, and drink red kool aid. My gosh the Bush kids actually want to drink WATER! Take them away save them from these abusive parents! I mean she is being one of "Those Moms." On a side note stupidity is being informed and still questioning our motives. Stupidity is also upsetting my wife which in turn upsets me.

I will spare you a long drawn out reason as to why we have and will continue to use this diet. I have seen the miraculous changes first hand in my son who at one time I thought would never be able to look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me, to the son who grabs both my cheeks and says "Daddy I Lub you!" I have seen a kid go from having to wear sound muffling head phones to go to the grocery store because the noise was to much, to the kid who can now walk around freely finally able to hear everything around him without breaking down screaming covering his ears because the noise is just to much. I have seen the kid who once was covered in rashes to the kid with rash free skin. The diet works people. Even if it didn't who the hell are you to question us and why we are doing it. Even if our kids didn't have problems that require the diet why should it be any of your concern as to what we are feeding them. Nothing makes me happier than to to hear my children tell an adult no to a cookie or candy because it has chemicals in it. We are not trying to convert you to the diet so please do us a favor and stop trying to convert us away from it. Before you speak make sure you are informed on the topic you are about to discuss. I find it really unbelievable that someone would really try and argue that shoving a chemical laced, preserved food item into your body is somehow better for you and your kids than the all natural home grown stuff. Become educated, research before you speak, and you better research it a long time, because I guarantee you granola has. And again before you think about opening your mouth and upsetting Granola again, remember you are now informed as to how this makes me feel. This means you have been educated. This means you no longer qualify as ignorant but have crossed over into the realm of stupid should you choose to upset her. Should you choose to upset her I would be more than happy to introduce you to a brick wall. :)

Anyways I am tired and am not sure all of this will even make any sense but I am posting it as is since I do not feel like going back and proof reading it. See you all in a couple of months.


Friday, February 27, 2009

Let He Who is Without Sin Cast the First Stone

Today started out to be a great day. My loving wife knowing I have worked several long work days this week decided to let me sleep in and got up at 4:00 with the kiddos and got them off to school. Upon awakening, we paid the bills, cancelled memberships to things we have been meaning to do for months, and finally went and bought the rest of the laminate flooring to finish the floors in the house. We really felt great knowing we were getting a lot of things accomplished that we have been putting off for a while. In the middle of our accomplishments Granola's phone rang and it was a 850 area code number. Not knowing the number she decided not to answer it and went about her business. A while later my phone rings, yet again another 850 number. Before answering the phone we both look at each other and immediately know something is going down in what we used to call home in Okaloosa County. I answer my phone and here FOTOA (AKA my father) tell me to go to the Northwest Florida Daily News sight and read up on the Sheriff's Office. For those of you who don't know, I worked for the Sheriff's Office for three years, and he was employed with them for several years himself. What came next sent a whirlwind of emotions through me that I haven't felt in a long time.

It turns out a man that I grew up to trust and even admire in ways had done something that warranted an FBI investigation. This man was my neighbor for a while, my boss for three years, and on a certain level a friend. I remember one time FOTOA telling me that this man treated me so generously because I was like a son to him seeing as his own son was so far away, and they did not have a very close relationship. I would spend summer days clearing the brush behind his house, and we would spend many nights together on the back dock of his house shucking oysters and swimming in his pool which he so generously opened up to me and my family. Our families would share many memories together, and they made the transition from Indiana to Florida a little easier with their kind hearts and hospitality to us. This man would take us on his pontoon boat out to Crab Island where we would spend several amazing summer days out on the water just enjoying each others company. We spent the fourth of July together on this same pontoon boat where his wife and I spent an entire night together trying to see who could be the life of the party. (His wife was a very energetic entertaining person to say the least) It was memories like these that made it a very simple decision when I was considering going into the law enforcement field. Not only would I be able to follow in the footsteps of my father who dedicated 30 years of his life to law enforcement, but I knew I would be working for a man that I respected and admired.

To hear the news today that this man had been arrested by federal agents for bribery, money laundering, and several other misc. charges sent my emotions in so many different directions. As a prior law enforcement officer I know that the feds do not bring a case against you or arrest you unless they have pretty concrete evidence to convict. My first emotion was pure disgust. I couldn't believe that the man that preached honesty and integrity to the 300+ sworn employees had betrayed all that trusted and respected him. This man preached those two words so much that you couldn't help but think twice and then a third time before you put any thoughts into action. Although it was my father and mother who first instilled these values in me, this man helped further them into my heart. To think that he could do such a thing sent a rage through my body that made me want to drive straight to Florida and tell him exactly what I was thinking of him at the moment. After reading update after update on the Daily News sight, and receiving phone calls, and facebook notifications about this breaking news, my heart started turning in a different direction.

I couldn't help but to start hurting for all of the people that are going to be affected by the actions of this man, and the others involved. Deputies that have put their trust into him who will now have to deal with the comments about a corrupt Sheriff's Office even though they have done nothing wrong. The families of those involved who probably had no idea what was going on will now have to deal with the ignorance of the public who choose to leave idiotic comments such as, "I hope someone kills him while he is in jail." Comments like these make my blood boil. Don't get me wrong, if he did in fact commit these crimes then he should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. However, he made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Yes he should be held to a higher standard due to his position, but show me someone who hasn't made mistakes. Yes his mistake is bigger than most, but it does not justify the idiotic comments listed above. My heart hurts mostly for the people who will be affected by this that had nothing to do with it. My heart hurts for this man who I still believe is a good person who got caught up in the temptations that come with such a powerful position. The man I knew growing up who opened his home to me and my family was a good man and I refuse to let the comments of others who don't know him on a personal level change this. He made a enormous mistake and for that will have to pay the price. I do not kid myself and believe that this is the only mistake he has made, but it just doesn't really matter to me at this point.

As stated earlier my emotions are out of control right now and there are so many more things to say that I will left unsaid. For any who feel the need to call me up, or facebook me the newest gossip on this incident, just don't. I respected this man, and he has lost a big part of this respect, but I will not turn my back on him for the mistakes he has made in the recent past. I sat in my car in my garage before going to work tonight in the pitch black and bowed my head and just prayed. I prayed for all of those affected by this incident, I prayed for the families and deputies that have been hurt by this, but most of all I prayed for this man who seems to have lost his way for a moment, and I hope others will do the same. So before dialing my number or typing in my email address do me a favor and instead spend this time praying that this man will ask for forgiveness from God and will somehow make things right in his life again.

Let He Who is Without Sin Cast the First Stone


Friday, November 21, 2008

He Lost a Tooth!!!

Well Granola has once again started hounding me to post again so here goes.

While attempting to get the kiddos ready for bed tonight, they began the all to familiar hyper active mode. Those with kids know what I am talking about. It all started when Merci was standing on a chair and the chair was apparently on top of my pants leg. As I went to move the chair came with me causing Mermaid to go flying through the air. I was able to catch her by the arm and prevent her from crushing her head in, but it took a pretty good yanking to keep her from crashing. She started screaming bloody murder, so I did what every father without a mother around would do. (Granola is in Dallas having some much needed Carrie time) I snatched Merci up and held her upside down! I then let the dogs lick her face and told her I was gonna let them eat her. She cried harder, and I told her we better run!!! This in turn made Jaden start chasing me, and after five minutes of running in a circle from the kitchen to the living room, I had started the hyper active mode. (What was I thinking?)

So I put Mermaid down and left the room for one minute only to return to a cushion less couch, and two kids jumping off the back of it onto them. First instinct is to tell them its to late for this and to clean it up, but the Dad in me decided it would be a better idea to get some matresses in the living room for extra bounce! Thinking to myself that someone will get hurt I thought OK it's time to stop, but instead I did what any responsible father without a mom around would do. I climbed on the back of the couch and bonsai! Yup I started jumping too! Two hours later and near a heart attack I said it was time to get ready for bed. That's when J-Bob looked at me and said Daddy I lost my tooth! I looked over and sure enough he is smiling a big goofy smile and his bottom front tooth is missing. He is so excited and can't wait to put that bad boy under his pillow now. He of course had to call mommy immediately and has carried the thing around like it was his best friend ever since. Now that it is 9:45 he is finally in bed, but I seriously doubt he will be sleeping anytime soon.

I am so so glad that I was here for my sons first lost tooth, and am so sorry that Granola wasn't here for it. Oh well, I am sure that there are many firsts that she will experience that I will miss out on. Well, this may not have been much for my first post in a while but it's all your getting out of me tonight so until next time...


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Mark 4 13-20

Just a real quick addition to the last post. I feel that this sums up what I was talking about. I have felt led to read the book of Mark for some reason. Tonight as I was reading the pages kept turning because my ceiling fan is like a turbo jet. Sooo whatever page the fan turned it to I read. Well I came across Mark chapter 4 verses 13-20 and said to myself, "that's what I was talking about in my blog." I often hear and soon forget, or other things in life quickly choke out what I had heard like the thorns choked out the tender plants. I want to be the seed that falls on fertile soil and produces a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted. Oh well just thought this was interesting and I would share it. Good night for now.


Monday, August 11, 2008

Not really sure what to put here

Well it's been a while since my last post so I thought maybe it's time to post again. As I start writing this I am not really sure what I am going to talk about. So many things have happened in the past month that I'm not really sure what to write so bare with me if I seem all over the place.

First off J-Bob and Mermaid are both going to school in a couple weeks. Jaden is starting kindergarten and Merci is going back to the Montessori school. I can not honestly say I am overly excited about this at all. Don't get me wrong I know in my heart that we made the right decision, but it is so hard knowing that your babies aren't really babies anymore. It makes me sick and depressed that they are already at school age. It all seems to be going so fast and I can't help but feel that I am missing out on so much by working all the time. I cherish every moment I get with them but it never seems like enough. I'm just not ready to let this part of their childhood go and it hurts to see them growing so fast. I would give anything to be able to have Granola be able to stay at home with them and home school them, but unfortunately that is just not possible with our financial situation. With both in school she will be working during the days J-Bob doesn't have therapy, and the sad part is most of it will be going to pay for Mermaids schooling. I can not express how much I appreciate the sacrifices I know she is making in order for our kids to have a good life. I didn't think it was possible but, I fall a little bit more in love with her every day as I watch her give her all to our family.

Next up, I sold my x-box. I know that's like a sin right? Just kidding. I never thought it would come to this, but I started thinking very heavily on what I spend my time doing, and x-box just didn't seem to top out the list of high priorities. The only reason I really played, was because it was my only real way of staying connected with my brother. Yeah I know there is always a phone, but for those of you who know me, I'm not much of a talker on the phone. I actually called him on the phone to let him know that I would be selling the 360. It was a very sad moment. I felt as if I was breaking up with him or something. :) So after much deliberation I took my 360 apart and headed to the local game store. Once there I was told I could get enough with trade in value to get a Nintendo Wii. J-Bob has been wanting one of these for ever and I thought what a small sacrifice it would be to let my son have what he always wanted. I know my parents made plenty of sacrifices to let me have what I wanted so I thought it was time to start making some for mine. Before anyone starts thinking I can't believe he got another gaming system...., hear me out. J-Bob has pretty severe sensory issues along with many other special needs. His therapist who never recommends any gaming or TV anything said that the Wii would actually be helpful to him. So not only is he getting something he wants badly, it could possibly help him in the long run. A win win all around. I'm sure my brother (Overlysized Asian) will understand the sacrifice made in order to help out his favorite nephew.

Last but definitely not least is my back slide in the religious aspect of my life. Since moving to Arkansas I have not been nearly as connected to God as I was at one time in Florida. We had an amazing church in Calvary Chapel Emerald Coast, and we miss it dearly. If it were financially possible I would reallyyyyyyyy consider moving back there right now. Due to recent events here my eyes have been opened a little bit and I am ready to start getting back on track. I am going to try and read my Bible every day and try and be the Godly leader that God has called me to be. My family deserves this and if there is anything I could give them that means more than time together or even a Wii, a Godly leader is it. I have a few issues with the church I am at now, but the pastor is amazing and I learn so much from him every time I hear a sermon. I can put aside my differences because when he speaks I can hear God speaking through him to me. I never really saw myself taking the kiddos to church without the help of Granola to tame them, but last Sunday I did. Guess what I survived and the kids were great. So for now I am getting off so I can spend some much needed time with God.

Love each and every one of you and have a blessed day.

God Bless,


Saturday, July 26, 2008

Rest in Peace

For the last week or so Granola and I have been extremely stressed due to several separate events. About one week ago JBob began running a low grade fever. The next morning he woke up and had a 102 temperature. Being a Sunday we thought, no big deal Motrin and Tylenol rotated every four to six hours and if hes not better we'll take him to the doctor tomorrow. Granola then went to work and JBob spiked a serious fever. By 11 AM he hit 104 and I began the whole cool wash cloth, luke warm bath, but it wouldn't give. By 11:30 105 hit and I headed to the ER. Granola beat me there and said it was slam packed so we opted to go to the immediate care. Fourth person in line when it opened and three hours later we are told its just a virus and there is nothing they can do and we should just monitor him. We get him home, comfort him, and sure enough the fever gets back down to 102. The next morning we wake up and mermaid has the fever. As an added bonus unknown marks start appearing all over her body. The next two days pass and the marks are spreading and both kids now have them as well as fever so its back to the doctor. We are told it is some sort of staph infection, and given meds.

Right before this started I was at work, and my phone is ringing like crazy. I try not to answer my phone, but I notice it is going off like crazy and all calls are coming from Florida. Knowing something is wrong I call back and discover that a Deputy with the Sheriff's Office I used to work for had been killed while trying to bring a mentally sick person in for help. I don't know the whole story but from what I understand when he came through the door he was greeted with a shotgun to the head. He left behind a wife and two young children.

For the last week we have also realized that JBob is regressing pretty badly. We have not been able to afford all of his supplements due to financial issues, and unfortunately have had to buy what we can and hope for the best. Well missing just one of his supplements sets him back like you wouldn't believe. It's been tough to say the least, but nothing in comparison to what we were about to experience, or what the families of the ones I'm about to speak of are experiencing.

We woke up today thinking, we were getting everything back on track. I got paid so we could afford Jbob's supplements, fevers have gone away for the most part, and the staph is clearing up. JBob is still struggling, but were working back to getting him better. That's when I hear Granola's phone receive a text message. The next thing I hear is, "Oh my God." This isn't your typical Oh MY God but the kind that you immediately know something bad has really happened. I spring to attention and ask whats going on. Granola is crying instantly, and tells me that a dear friend and leader at our church was killed in a car accident. Not only was she killed, but a eleven year old boy was in the car with her and killed also. She was the children's ministry leader at our church, and the boy faithfully helped his mother out in the nursery every Sunday. Renee was an amazing woman of God and I know she is now in heaven watching over us. Bryan was also an amazing child of Christ and I rest easy knowing he too is in heaven. What hurts the most is knowing that a mother and father had to bury their kid, and a husband and her children have to bury their wife and mother. I know God has a purpose for everything but sometimes you have to ask what the purpose in this is. I am not doubting God's chosen path, but it doesn't make it easy. I remember when we first attended this church how I used to become angry at the way Renee worshipped. She was on the stage every Sunday singing praise and worship, and I used to think she over worshiped. When the song was over she used to keep praising out to God, and I used to think it was for attention. It disgust me how I used to doubt Renee's faith, and some of the thoughts I used to think about. It wasn't until recently that I finally came to grips with the fact that she truly loves God so much that she couldn't help but continue to worship when the song was over. She was never doing it for the attention, but because she felt a genuine connection with God. What used to bother me so greatly became something I longed to receive. I found myself wanting to be more like her. So connected that I didn't care what other people thought of me. So connected that I couldn't help but scream out praises for the Lord. I finally accepted who she was and what she stood for, and now God has taken her away. As we sat in the sanctuary today during special prayer time for the lost ones families I found myself staring at the place she stood every Sunday singing God's praises. I found myself longing to hear her one more time, and began to cry. God has truly received an amazing addition to his kingdom, and I know he is blessed by having her there with him. I hope that I never forget the lesson that was learned by having Renee in my life, and pray that I too will feel as connected as she was.

Please pray for Renee's entire family as she left a loving husband, mother, and wonderful children to continue her journey. Please pray for Brian's family that God will help them understand why all of this has happened. Finally please pray for the emergency personnel that attended to Renee and Brian. Speaking on personal experience I still have nightmares about my first traffic related death. I wake up in cold sweats after replaying the event in my head over and over. Pray that the emergency workers will not suffer from this and that they will not let it affect their personal lives.

Just stop and pray.

Be thankful for every moment you have with your loved ones. Cherish it. No matter how stressful we thought our last week was, we still have each other to hold on to. If for no other reason their deaths will help us stop and realize no matter how hard we think things are going, we still have each other and that we should live every moment like it may be our last together. We love and miss you both.

Rest in peace Renee and Brian. You will be greatly missed.


Sunday, July 20, 2008

Think before you act

After reading granola's most recent post I felt the need to say something. For everyone out there that knee jerk reacts to every situation please stop. Stop and think the entire situation through before ripping into someone or giving them the dirty looks. This post is very much geared towards myself as well since I am just as guilty as the next person. To often I find myself reacting, usually overreacting, to a situation before I stop to think about everything that may be involved. If someone cuts me off in traffic I immediately get angry and start praying for them. (and by praying I mean screaming at them like crazy) I never stop to think that maybe this person really has an emergency. Maybe this person cut me off because their child is injured and they are on their way to the emergency room to help them. Maybe they are lost in thought because they had something tragic happen to them, and for one second they drifted away and accidentally cut me off. In these cases I should be praying for them and not overreacting. I once heard a story about a guy that had five kids and got onto a train. The man sat quietly on the train while his five kids ran around acting like kids and annoying the people on the train. After several glares and comments under peoples breath someone finally had the nerve to say something. he person told the man that he should learn to control his kids. The father simply replied that he is sorry, but he just lost his wife of several years, and the kids had lost their mother. He simply didn't know what to do, and he thinks his kids don't know what to do either. Again stop and think before giving your oh so brilliant wisdom. Would it have killed just one person on the train to just reach out and ask the man if he is ok, or to try and help calm the kids. The sad thing is it is easier for us to be confrontational than helpful. We can be rude and uncaring so much easier than compassionate and loving.

One more story then I am done for tonight. As a father of a special needs child I have grown accustomed to the glares and comments under peoples breath. When J-Bob has a melt down in a store people always have the oh so brilliant advise of, "If that was my kid I would beat him until he settled down." A. Your an idiot if you ever think that beating a child is going to calm him down. and B. My son doesn't react the way he does because he is a spoiled brat. The things we take for granted literally drive him into a melt down. If a tag on the neck portion of his shirt is not ripped off he freaks out. If a drop of water is on his clothes it has to come off. If the fabric he is wearing isn't smooth on his skin he can not wear it. If there is a semi loud noise in the background that the normal person wouldn't notice he literally shuts down. He covers his ears and stops everything until the noise goes away. His body is so overly sensitive to these things that he can not function until it is fixed. No amount of screaming, beating, or disciplining is ever going to fix that. So the next time you see my kid walking around Walmart wearing noise reducing ear phones and you laugh because you think he looks goofy, stop and think. Think about what he may be going through. Think about what the parents are going through. How many other five year olds have to take 10+ pills a day and get a shot every third day just to feel good. Granola literally researches every day in the hopes of curing J-Bob. She is up every morning no later than 7:00AM with the kids regardless of how late she was up researching. She is currently sick, but still working every chance she can in order to afford the shots and supplements that JBob requires. We are living pay check to pay check because JBob requires so much special attention that she can't afford to have a full time job. The financial stress alone is enough to push most people over the edge, but she still manages to work two separate jobs in what would be our only free time together so we can survive and Jaden can have the necessary supplements. She drives him to therapy twice a week, and attends as many groups as she can in hopes of finding one more way to help JBob. She is so sleep deprived and sick right now that it hurts my heart to see her this way, but she won't stop. She won't rest until JBob is cured. So if she happens to cut you off in traffic, or maybe isn't overly friendly to you one day, stop and think. Maybe she isn't being rude, maybe she is just overwhelmed and tired and just needs someone to say, "Is there anything I CAN DO FOR YOU?"

Like I said earlier, this message is for me just as much as it is for everyone else. I am just as guilty of overreacting as the next person. I hope and pray that I can take my own advise and stop and think before reacting. Let's all stop taking the easy road of just getting angry, and trying the difficult one of lending a helping hand.

Thanks for reading and good night.