Friday, November 21, 2008

He Lost a Tooth!!!

Well Granola has once again started hounding me to post again so here goes.

While attempting to get the kiddos ready for bed tonight, they began the all to familiar hyper active mode. Those with kids know what I am talking about. It all started when Merci was standing on a chair and the chair was apparently on top of my pants leg. As I went to move the chair came with me causing Mermaid to go flying through the air. I was able to catch her by the arm and prevent her from crushing her head in, but it took a pretty good yanking to keep her from crashing. She started screaming bloody murder, so I did what every father without a mother around would do. (Granola is in Dallas having some much needed Carrie time) I snatched Merci up and held her upside down! I then let the dogs lick her face and told her I was gonna let them eat her. She cried harder, and I told her we better run!!! This in turn made Jaden start chasing me, and after five minutes of running in a circle from the kitchen to the living room, I had started the hyper active mode. (What was I thinking?)

So I put Mermaid down and left the room for one minute only to return to a cushion less couch, and two kids jumping off the back of it onto them. First instinct is to tell them its to late for this and to clean it up, but the Dad in me decided it would be a better idea to get some matresses in the living room for extra bounce! Thinking to myself that someone will get hurt I thought OK it's time to stop, but instead I did what any responsible father without a mom around would do. I climbed on the back of the couch and bonsai! Yup I started jumping too! Two hours later and near a heart attack I said it was time to get ready for bed. That's when J-Bob looked at me and said Daddy I lost my tooth! I looked over and sure enough he is smiling a big goofy smile and his bottom front tooth is missing. He is so excited and can't wait to put that bad boy under his pillow now. He of course had to call mommy immediately and has carried the thing around like it was his best friend ever since. Now that it is 9:45 he is finally in bed, but I seriously doubt he will be sleeping anytime soon.

I am so so glad that I was here for my sons first lost tooth, and am so sorry that Granola wasn't here for it. Oh well, I am sure that there are many firsts that she will experience that I will miss out on. Well, this may not have been much for my first post in a while but it's all your getting out of me tonight so until next time...


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Mark 4 13-20

Just a real quick addition to the last post. I feel that this sums up what I was talking about. I have felt led to read the book of Mark for some reason. Tonight as I was reading the pages kept turning because my ceiling fan is like a turbo jet. Sooo whatever page the fan turned it to I read. Well I came across Mark chapter 4 verses 13-20 and said to myself, "that's what I was talking about in my blog." I often hear and soon forget, or other things in life quickly choke out what I had heard like the thorns choked out the tender plants. I want to be the seed that falls on fertile soil and produces a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted. Oh well just thought this was interesting and I would share it. Good night for now.


Monday, August 11, 2008

Not really sure what to put here

Well it's been a while since my last post so I thought maybe it's time to post again. As I start writing this I am not really sure what I am going to talk about. So many things have happened in the past month that I'm not really sure what to write so bare with me if I seem all over the place.

First off J-Bob and Mermaid are both going to school in a couple weeks. Jaden is starting kindergarten and Merci is going back to the Montessori school. I can not honestly say I am overly excited about this at all. Don't get me wrong I know in my heart that we made the right decision, but it is so hard knowing that your babies aren't really babies anymore. It makes me sick and depressed that they are already at school age. It all seems to be going so fast and I can't help but feel that I am missing out on so much by working all the time. I cherish every moment I get with them but it never seems like enough. I'm just not ready to let this part of their childhood go and it hurts to see them growing so fast. I would give anything to be able to have Granola be able to stay at home with them and home school them, but unfortunately that is just not possible with our financial situation. With both in school she will be working during the days J-Bob doesn't have therapy, and the sad part is most of it will be going to pay for Mermaids schooling. I can not express how much I appreciate the sacrifices I know she is making in order for our kids to have a good life. I didn't think it was possible but, I fall a little bit more in love with her every day as I watch her give her all to our family.

Next up, I sold my x-box. I know that's like a sin right? Just kidding. I never thought it would come to this, but I started thinking very heavily on what I spend my time doing, and x-box just didn't seem to top out the list of high priorities. The only reason I really played, was because it was my only real way of staying connected with my brother. Yeah I know there is always a phone, but for those of you who know me, I'm not much of a talker on the phone. I actually called him on the phone to let him know that I would be selling the 360. It was a very sad moment. I felt as if I was breaking up with him or something. :) So after much deliberation I took my 360 apart and headed to the local game store. Once there I was told I could get enough with trade in value to get a Nintendo Wii. J-Bob has been wanting one of these for ever and I thought what a small sacrifice it would be to let my son have what he always wanted. I know my parents made plenty of sacrifices to let me have what I wanted so I thought it was time to start making some for mine. Before anyone starts thinking I can't believe he got another gaming system...., hear me out. J-Bob has pretty severe sensory issues along with many other special needs. His therapist who never recommends any gaming or TV anything said that the Wii would actually be helpful to him. So not only is he getting something he wants badly, it could possibly help him in the long run. A win win all around. I'm sure my brother (Overlysized Asian) will understand the sacrifice made in order to help out his favorite nephew.

Last but definitely not least is my back slide in the religious aspect of my life. Since moving to Arkansas I have not been nearly as connected to God as I was at one time in Florida. We had an amazing church in Calvary Chapel Emerald Coast, and we miss it dearly. If it were financially possible I would reallyyyyyyyy consider moving back there right now. Due to recent events here my eyes have been opened a little bit and I am ready to start getting back on track. I am going to try and read my Bible every day and try and be the Godly leader that God has called me to be. My family deserves this and if there is anything I could give them that means more than time together or even a Wii, a Godly leader is it. I have a few issues with the church I am at now, but the pastor is amazing and I learn so much from him every time I hear a sermon. I can put aside my differences because when he speaks I can hear God speaking through him to me. I never really saw myself taking the kiddos to church without the help of Granola to tame them, but last Sunday I did. Guess what I survived and the kids were great. So for now I am getting off so I can spend some much needed time with God.

Love each and every one of you and have a blessed day.

God Bless,


Saturday, July 26, 2008

Rest in Peace

For the last week or so Granola and I have been extremely stressed due to several separate events. About one week ago JBob began running a low grade fever. The next morning he woke up and had a 102 temperature. Being a Sunday we thought, no big deal Motrin and Tylenol rotated every four to six hours and if hes not better we'll take him to the doctor tomorrow. Granola then went to work and JBob spiked a serious fever. By 11 AM he hit 104 and I began the whole cool wash cloth, luke warm bath, but it wouldn't give. By 11:30 105 hit and I headed to the ER. Granola beat me there and said it was slam packed so we opted to go to the immediate care. Fourth person in line when it opened and three hours later we are told its just a virus and there is nothing they can do and we should just monitor him. We get him home, comfort him, and sure enough the fever gets back down to 102. The next morning we wake up and mermaid has the fever. As an added bonus unknown marks start appearing all over her body. The next two days pass and the marks are spreading and both kids now have them as well as fever so its back to the doctor. We are told it is some sort of staph infection, and given meds.

Right before this started I was at work, and my phone is ringing like crazy. I try not to answer my phone, but I notice it is going off like crazy and all calls are coming from Florida. Knowing something is wrong I call back and discover that a Deputy with the Sheriff's Office I used to work for had been killed while trying to bring a mentally sick person in for help. I don't know the whole story but from what I understand when he came through the door he was greeted with a shotgun to the head. He left behind a wife and two young children.

For the last week we have also realized that JBob is regressing pretty badly. We have not been able to afford all of his supplements due to financial issues, and unfortunately have had to buy what we can and hope for the best. Well missing just one of his supplements sets him back like you wouldn't believe. It's been tough to say the least, but nothing in comparison to what we were about to experience, or what the families of the ones I'm about to speak of are experiencing.

We woke up today thinking, we were getting everything back on track. I got paid so we could afford Jbob's supplements, fevers have gone away for the most part, and the staph is clearing up. JBob is still struggling, but were working back to getting him better. That's when I hear Granola's phone receive a text message. The next thing I hear is, "Oh my God." This isn't your typical Oh MY God but the kind that you immediately know something bad has really happened. I spring to attention and ask whats going on. Granola is crying instantly, and tells me that a dear friend and leader at our church was killed in a car accident. Not only was she killed, but a eleven year old boy was in the car with her and killed also. She was the children's ministry leader at our church, and the boy faithfully helped his mother out in the nursery every Sunday. Renee was an amazing woman of God and I know she is now in heaven watching over us. Bryan was also an amazing child of Christ and I rest easy knowing he too is in heaven. What hurts the most is knowing that a mother and father had to bury their kid, and a husband and her children have to bury their wife and mother. I know God has a purpose for everything but sometimes you have to ask what the purpose in this is. I am not doubting God's chosen path, but it doesn't make it easy. I remember when we first attended this church how I used to become angry at the way Renee worshipped. She was on the stage every Sunday singing praise and worship, and I used to think she over worshiped. When the song was over she used to keep praising out to God, and I used to think it was for attention. It disgust me how I used to doubt Renee's faith, and some of the thoughts I used to think about. It wasn't until recently that I finally came to grips with the fact that she truly loves God so much that she couldn't help but continue to worship when the song was over. She was never doing it for the attention, but because she felt a genuine connection with God. What used to bother me so greatly became something I longed to receive. I found myself wanting to be more like her. So connected that I didn't care what other people thought of me. So connected that I couldn't help but scream out praises for the Lord. I finally accepted who she was and what she stood for, and now God has taken her away. As we sat in the sanctuary today during special prayer time for the lost ones families I found myself staring at the place she stood every Sunday singing God's praises. I found myself longing to hear her one more time, and began to cry. God has truly received an amazing addition to his kingdom, and I know he is blessed by having her there with him. I hope that I never forget the lesson that was learned by having Renee in my life, and pray that I too will feel as connected as she was.

Please pray for Renee's entire family as she left a loving husband, mother, and wonderful children to continue her journey. Please pray for Brian's family that God will help them understand why all of this has happened. Finally please pray for the emergency personnel that attended to Renee and Brian. Speaking on personal experience I still have nightmares about my first traffic related death. I wake up in cold sweats after replaying the event in my head over and over. Pray that the emergency workers will not suffer from this and that they will not let it affect their personal lives.

Just stop and pray.

Be thankful for every moment you have with your loved ones. Cherish it. No matter how stressful we thought our last week was, we still have each other to hold on to. If for no other reason their deaths will help us stop and realize no matter how hard we think things are going, we still have each other and that we should live every moment like it may be our last together. We love and miss you both.

Rest in peace Renee and Brian. You will be greatly missed.


Sunday, July 20, 2008

Think before you act

After reading granola's most recent post I felt the need to say something. For everyone out there that knee jerk reacts to every situation please stop. Stop and think the entire situation through before ripping into someone or giving them the dirty looks. This post is very much geared towards myself as well since I am just as guilty as the next person. To often I find myself reacting, usually overreacting, to a situation before I stop to think about everything that may be involved. If someone cuts me off in traffic I immediately get angry and start praying for them. (and by praying I mean screaming at them like crazy) I never stop to think that maybe this person really has an emergency. Maybe this person cut me off because their child is injured and they are on their way to the emergency room to help them. Maybe they are lost in thought because they had something tragic happen to them, and for one second they drifted away and accidentally cut me off. In these cases I should be praying for them and not overreacting. I once heard a story about a guy that had five kids and got onto a train. The man sat quietly on the train while his five kids ran around acting like kids and annoying the people on the train. After several glares and comments under peoples breath someone finally had the nerve to say something. he person told the man that he should learn to control his kids. The father simply replied that he is sorry, but he just lost his wife of several years, and the kids had lost their mother. He simply didn't know what to do, and he thinks his kids don't know what to do either. Again stop and think before giving your oh so brilliant wisdom. Would it have killed just one person on the train to just reach out and ask the man if he is ok, or to try and help calm the kids. The sad thing is it is easier for us to be confrontational than helpful. We can be rude and uncaring so much easier than compassionate and loving.

One more story then I am done for tonight. As a father of a special needs child I have grown accustomed to the glares and comments under peoples breath. When J-Bob has a melt down in a store people always have the oh so brilliant advise of, "If that was my kid I would beat him until he settled down." A. Your an idiot if you ever think that beating a child is going to calm him down. and B. My son doesn't react the way he does because he is a spoiled brat. The things we take for granted literally drive him into a melt down. If a tag on the neck portion of his shirt is not ripped off he freaks out. If a drop of water is on his clothes it has to come off. If the fabric he is wearing isn't smooth on his skin he can not wear it. If there is a semi loud noise in the background that the normal person wouldn't notice he literally shuts down. He covers his ears and stops everything until the noise goes away. His body is so overly sensitive to these things that he can not function until it is fixed. No amount of screaming, beating, or disciplining is ever going to fix that. So the next time you see my kid walking around Walmart wearing noise reducing ear phones and you laugh because you think he looks goofy, stop and think. Think about what he may be going through. Think about what the parents are going through. How many other five year olds have to take 10+ pills a day and get a shot every third day just to feel good. Granola literally researches every day in the hopes of curing J-Bob. She is up every morning no later than 7:00AM with the kids regardless of how late she was up researching. She is currently sick, but still working every chance she can in order to afford the shots and supplements that JBob requires. We are living pay check to pay check because JBob requires so much special attention that she can't afford to have a full time job. The financial stress alone is enough to push most people over the edge, but she still manages to work two separate jobs in what would be our only free time together so we can survive and Jaden can have the necessary supplements. She drives him to therapy twice a week, and attends as many groups as she can in hopes of finding one more way to help JBob. She is so sleep deprived and sick right now that it hurts my heart to see her this way, but she won't stop. She won't rest until JBob is cured. So if she happens to cut you off in traffic, or maybe isn't overly friendly to you one day, stop and think. Maybe she isn't being rude, maybe she is just overwhelmed and tired and just needs someone to say, "Is there anything I CAN DO FOR YOU?"

Like I said earlier, this message is for me just as much as it is for everyone else. I am just as guilty of overreacting as the next person. I hope and pray that I can take my own advise and stop and think before reacting. Let's all stop taking the easy road of just getting angry, and trying the difficult one of lending a helping hand.

Thanks for reading and good night.


Sunday, July 13, 2008

It's been a while

Ok so I know it's been a while since my last entry, but I have been pretty busy as of late. Due to managers taking vacations in my store, as well as the shortage of managers in our area, I have been working a lot of mid shifts. Mids consist of leaving at 10 am and coming home at 9 pm if I'm lucky. Last week I had six mid shifts scheduled in a row, and we happened to be busier than normal so I was working later than normal as well. So in a nutshell I wake up just early enough to see my kids for an hour or so most of which is spent getting ready for work, and coming home just in time to see them go to sleep. Not seeing my family is definitely the hardest part, and probably the most stressful part of all of this. It won't be like this much longer though so there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I officially start in my new store next Thursday. This is going to prove to be a big challenge because I have been in a very well put together store for the past three months, and am walking into a well... let's just say there is work to be done. I am very used to having everything run smoothly, and honestly my biggest flaw would have to be my tendency to become very stressed out when they are not. I become a different person when things aren't going smoothly, and sadly it is not the good side of OA that comes out at this time. I tend to become snappy very quickly, and unfortunately sometimes bring it home with me. Luckily I have an amazing wife that understands me and deals with me and quickly brings me back to reality. She reminds me that work is work, and family time is family time. She helps me understand that I am not going to be able to walk into a store and fix it in the first week, and that I need to step back and wait for the right time to come. Tonight I was tested by a cook that thought he was going to see just how far he could push the new manager. I was in the transition phase of my training and in my new store for a few days. The cook decided to say some things that would have caused the old me to throw him through a wall. HE wanted to see just how far he could go before I had enough. Unfortunately for him my leash is much shorter than some of the previous managers he was used to dealing with. I first tried to calmly talk to him, but when he raised his voice at me we had a little come to Jesus meeting in the office. He left not really understanding why I was "picking on him", because apparently cursing at your manager and disrespecting him in front of the rest of the staff is not grounds for being pulled into the office. I let him blow off steam for the rest of the night, and my plan is to pull him aside the next time we work together, and explain to him that I am there to help him, just like I need him to help me. Hopefully he understands this because I would really hate to have to throw him through a wall. (just kidding)

Oh well this is probably not real interesting for most of you, but it helps me to let it go so I can concentrate on what's important to me. My wife Granola, the J-man, and my little angel mermaid. Oh and please pray for me to have the patience to deal with all of the people that feel the need to test me in the new store, and be praying for the people who want to see just how short my leash really is. (Anyone know a good repair man because there may be a few walls that need replacing after next week) I am a firm believer in the whole I will respect you just as much as you respect me policy and hopefully my employees are too. Once again thank you for reading and God bless you all.

"Nothing uncommon ever came from a common person."
Not really sure of the author of this but I heard it said this week and really liked it. It probably is not worded correctly but you get the point. Be uncommon, strive to be different, and make something happen.


Saturday, June 21, 2008

I can't sleep Take Two

Seeing as it is three in the morning and I can't sleep I figured now is as good of time as any to tell about nightmare number two. This one isn't nearly as reoccurring or dramatic, but for some reason pops up from time to time, and makes me lose hours of sleep.

On my very first day out of training with the Sheriff's Office I was sent to the office to catch up on several reports I had acquired through out the day. There was no reason for me to be at the office seeing as we had a small sub station in my beat, and to this day I don't know why I was told to go to the office. My point being, once I got to the office I sat down and began my paperwork. I hadn't been doing it for five minutes when I heard a call for a traffic crash a quarter mile up the road. The beat officer was tied up with a case, so I said I would respond. Little did I know that this wreck would change me forever.

As I arrived on scene I noticed a small black Honda Civic flipped upside down in the middle of the highway. I exited my vehicle, and everyone was yelling at me to go to the ditch area. As I was making my way over there, I noticed the bumper of the car was stuck in a tree at least thirty to forty feet in the air. The feeling that entered my gut before I reached the ditch is unforgettable. As I approached the ditch I noticed a young girl lying there lifeless. I went to check her vitals, and knew immediately there was nothing I could do to help her. The girl was ejected from her vehicle and upon impact snapped her neck. The thing I remember the most was, she didn't have a scratch on her. She looked as if she was asleep. Shortly after EMS arrived, and initiated CPR, even though they knew in their minds she was gone. You see, they sort of had a rule that if the person is under 18 you still try everything, even if you know it won't help. This girl was seventeen. The story I received from other drivers was she was driving like a mad person, and cut off a car. Trying to avoid impact she over corrected and steered into the ditch. Here I am, just turned twenty years old seeing my first of many dead bodies. I saw many more in the next three years, but none ever effected me the way this one has. I still to this day wake up sweating after seeing her lifeless body in my dreams. I see certain people that remind me of her and I know that I won't being having a good nights sleep that night. The worst part was that being a cop is all about being in control. You have control over everything the moment you step foot on a scene. The problem was that there is no control when you stare down at a lifeless 17 year old. Your helpless. You want so desperately to fix the problem, because that is what you do, but you can't. The only thing you can do is stand there and be useless. That may be one of the hardest things you ever have to do as a cop. Being able to accept the fact that you can't fix everything no matter how much you believe you can.

Nothing prepares you for the shock your body goes into upon seeing your first victim. Nothing prepares you for the drives over to the parents or loved ones house to tell them there reason for living just died in a wreck or decided to kill themselves. Nothing can prepare you for the look a five year old boy gives you when you discover his dad has been beating him and putting cigarettes out on his feet. The look of why are you doing this to my daddy. A child doesn't understand why the big bad police are taking there daddy away. You so desperately want to explain to the kid that his daddy is the bad man, but a child's love won't let him understand that. You want to grab the piece of crap father and choke the life out of him, but "He has rights too." You want to understand why the wife and mother of two decided her life wasn't important enough to keep going on. You want to understand so much more, but sometimes there just aren't any answers. You just have to keep on going on thinking that in some way everything you are doing is for a good reason, and hope that someday it will make sense. Hope that someday you will understand why you held someones head in your hands while they asked you to please help them, but you knew they were already dead because you could feel their skull in a hundred pieces. You just hope, because sometimes that is all there is.

I know I seem to jump from one subject to another rather drastically, but that's because when I feel something I have to write it right then. So for now work with me, and I'll work on staying on topic in future blogs. Once again I have posted a book rather than a short story, so I am starting to think I am incapable of shortening these things. Oh well, get used to it I guess or move on, because it does not appear that I am going to get any better at shortening these things any time soon. Thanks for appeasing me once again and good night.


Saturday, June 14, 2008

He's eating what?

For the past couple of weeks I have been working a lot of mid shifts and night shifts. Mids consist of 10am to 9 pm and nights consist of 3 pm to 1 am. Due to this schedule I either wake up just in time to spend a little time with the family and get ready for work, or am so tired in the mornings that I feel like a barely contribute around the house. It won't be like this much longer since I am almost done with training, but for now I am doing what I have to do.

Well, that all being said granola has been making incredible strides in Jay Bob's eating department. Those of you that read her blog already know this but I am so excited about it I had to write something. J man is now five years old. In these five years I have known him to eat GFCFSFNF pancakes, stripey chips(AKA Ruffles) sweet potato french fries, and that's about it. It's not because he is a picky eater, but because of his strict diet and sensory issues. We take for granted the fact that when we eat something as simple as a banana that it doesn't bother us and we just chew it up and swallow. Now imagine someone especially a five year old putting the same thing in their mouth and having his body screaming at him get this thing out of me. I truly believe he wants to like these foods, and believe he would, but his mind and body refuse to let him enjoy them. Imagine the food you absolutely despise. Something that in your mind makes you gag when you even think about it. Now imagine that no matter what food it is your putting in your mouth makes your body think it is the despised food. Just mentioning trying new food of any kind sends J Bob into a panic attack. His body freaks out because it knows what is coming. The texture of the food and the way it feels in his mouth literally sends him over the edge.

Sorry sort of got off track. The point of this is granola has made amazing strides in the last two weeks. J Bob is now not only licking new foods, he is putting it on his tongue, closing his mouth around it, and even biting down on it. He's even eating carrot sticks, which I still don't do. (Back off granola, I won't do it. Step away from the OA with the carrot stick) Yes his body still reacts in the same way, but he is such a pleaser, that he is willing to do it because he knows how much it makes his mommy and daddy happy. So even if his body wants to shut down he does it just to see us do the happy dance. Who knows maybe he just wants to see us make a fool of ourselves, but whatever the reason, he's trying new things and this is huge. All I know is granola deserves hugeeeee props(for lack of a better word) and I am glad that I chose her to be the mother of my children. I can't imagine a better mother for my children.

One more quick bragging moment on granola is that she has also recently taken over the B-12 injections that must be administered every three days. Due to my being gone a lot of nights now she has stepped up to the plate and started injecting J man with his much needed shots. I'm more than proud of her. When I give him the injections, my heart stops. I hate it. I hate having to put him through this and it makes my heart stop. Knowing that she loves him so much to do this for him makes me even prouder to call her my wife. As she once said in one of my posting's, back of dude's this ones all mine. Love you g-chic, and see you in the morning.

Friday, June 13, 2008

When are we going to wake up

Tonight at work I had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting yet again another one of Arkansas' finest. Near the end of the night we had a group of five African American ladies walk in to enjoy a nice meal and ladies night out. Being the end of the night we had already cut most of the servers and had a limited seating area available. I made the decision to seat the ladies in front of two white guys, and as I was pulling tables together to seat the ladies one of the men opened his uneducated, overweight mouth and say, "Are you really gonna seat them there?" Hoping he just didn't want to be bothered by the noise, even though I really knew what he meant, I sat the ladies in my predetermined tables. Midway through the meal the man got up and waddled over to the front of the store. I say waddled because the man was so incredibly large that he couldn't walk. While in the front he decided to stop one of the servers and say, "This was a nice meal until you guys decided to seat all of those Kunta Kente mother f'ers in front of me." The server then informed me of his comments and my first thought was to grab a fork lift and haul him out the front door. Luckily the man was smart enough, or cowardly enough not to say anything to the ladies themselves. I just don't get how in 2008 we are still so divided. When is America going to wake up and realize that we are all in this together. What makes this man so superior that he can degrade people to this degree? The thing I find the most discomforting about all of this is he felt comfortable enough to walk up to a perfect stranger and just blurt out those things. He's lucky I wasn't the person standing up there, because there is no doubt in my mind that I would have said some things I probably shouldn't have. These women could have commented on his whale like physique, but they chose to do the proper thing and just enjoy there meal. I'm so sick and tired of the redneck trash that this area produces that it makes me want to move away. I won't though. I won't let these uneducated, uncouth, disrespectful morons move me away from my home. The only thing I can do now is pray that God opens their eyes, and lets them see the error of their ways.

I did however try and make sure I gave the ladies the best ladies night out I could, while letting the guys see how much I appreciated the ladies company. I'm kind of spiteful like that. Anyways enough of my ranting for now, I just wanted to get that off of my chest. I'll leave you with one of my favorite movie lines that granola reminded me off today.

Does this suit make me look fat?
No, your face does.

Anyone know what movie this is from. If so I'll give you a million dollars.........or a pat on the back which ever one I have available at the time.

Blog you later,


Tuesday, June 10, 2008

This one's for me!

I know I just wrote one novel so if your not up for reading another than click on the x in the top right corner of your screen.

I was going to wait to post about the cop stuff, but in fears of losing sleep tonight I am going to post some stories now. These stories are not intended to wow anybody, or for any sympathy, no selfishly this post is for me. Any time I talk about cop stories I tend to lose sleep over a few things.

Lying in bed with my family I can be having the most amazing sleep ever when suddenly I will be overcome with memories that cause me to shoot up in the air. My bed will be soaked in sweat, my body drenched from the nightmares I have and fear will always have. There are two instances that occurred when I was a cop that I know I will never forget. The one that seems to be more pressing for some reason is the Gulf of Mexico instance. I don't know if I've ever shared my true thoughts of what happened in the Gulf that day, but today I am putting it out there for all of you to read. My step mother once gave me some advice I will never forget and that was to put my feelings on paper. Even if I ripped it up when I was done, it was better to get it out there than to keep it bottled up. She knew me better than I ever gave her credit for. Due to my mother having a medical issue I have had some issues burning inside of me all my life, and she knew it and knew I needed to get it out one way or another. Thank you for those words of wisdom and it is you who I give credit to for sharing these thoughts today in hopes of receiving a few more peaceful nights of sleep. I love you nana.

Anyways back to the Gulf instance. My last year of being a cop in Florida I was assigned to the beach patrol. I would run up and down the beach on an atv keeping the peace and watching for distressed swimmers. One day there was a bad storm coming and the water was honest to God the worst I had seen it in a long time. As I neared the end of my beach run I noticed a man approximately 800 feet offshore signaling for help. No rescue personal were even close to that location, and I made the decision to go after the man. After entering the water I knew that I was in for a fight. I have never had trouble swimming away from shore, but today was different. The rip tide was not your normal rip tide. It was like a washing machine going in a circle. You would swim 500 feet only to be ripped back to the middle in a matter of seconds. I finally reached the man and he was already wiped out. This man was a large guy, probably 250+ pounds and now dead weight. I begin dragging the man back to shore, and immediately begin to feel exhausted myself. After several minuted in the water, water rescue teams from the fire department, ems team and surfers have all entered the water to try and help. Boats were coming from the coast guard station, and helicopters were being called in from the air force base to try and get us. When I told you the water was rough I wasn't joking. The boats could not get near us for fear of capsizing. There were now seven of us in the water and we were making no ground what so ever. The sea foam was so thick on this day that any time you took a breath you began to inhale it which in turn made you vomit. The worst part was whenever we would get to where our feet would touch the ground the rip tide ripped us back out 500 feet. The man I originally went after began to apologize to me and my family for putting me in this mess. I had a few choice words for him and told him were all going home today. After about one hour in the water one of the firemen let go of the surfboard we were all so desperately clinging to and said, "I'm done guys, I'm sorry I just can't go anymore." I looked over at him and said like hell your going and with the help of the others put him on top of the board. At this point in time my body is telling me it is done. I had aches and pains I didn't know existed and was fighting for every breath of air.

Here's the part I'm not sure I've shared. At this moment I closed my eyes and started praying to God. I apologized in my mind to my wife and kids, and asked God to please take care of them. I asked that they would understand why I chose to go in the water that day, and to please never be upset with me for making that decision. I asked him to please make sure my entire family understood this as well, and I said I'm sorry. I prayed that he would accept me into his kingdom even though I know I have done things that have surely disappointed him. At this point in time a gave up. My legs stopped kicking and my body went lifeless. In my mind I was gone. I left a wife, two beautiful children, and a loving family. I was convinced that when I left the house that morning, I had seen my family for the last time. God had other plans for me. Seconds later I felt another wave of energy. I opened my eyes, looked at everybody and said let's get the hell out of here. My legs kicked harder than they had the entire time, and shortly after a rope drifted into us. Someone had thrown a rope in about one mile down shore and it drifted into us. We grabbed that rope for dear life and pulled everyone to safety. After dragging the man and two firemen to shore I went to be by myself. I didn't want the congratulations from the Sheriff, news crews, peers, or anyone else, honestly I was pissed. I don't know why but I was. EMS wanted to check me out and I told them if they touch me with anything I would break in two. (I can have a small temper) Honestly I think I just wanted to take time to thank God for delivering me from what I was certain my end. I got on my ATV drove to the station, and was told to go home to re coop. I thought about it for a minute when suddenly another call came in for two missing swimmers on the beach. Against all of my supervisor's request I hopped on my ATV and went on to the next call. The energy was still there. God gave me strength I've never felt before. I should have been in the hospital with the other three from exhaustion, but I was out there looking for more people to help. Please don't take this as a wow look at me story, that's not what it is about, but more as a look what God can do for you story. He's amazing, ask him for help and he'll deliver. Don't go through life wondering whether to believe, because I can assure you He is real.

I'll save the second nightmare for another blog. I have got to learn how to shorten these things.
That's all for now, and thanks for reading.

The love of a Father

I recently read a comment on my first blog that literally brought tears to my eyes. Before any thoughts come into your heads, there a very, very few things in life that have made me cry and most of them have been because of my father. I know this sounds bad, but wait it gets better. My father was never the type that beat me, verbally abused me, or made me feel ashamed of myself. He is the reason I feel that I have such a tight connection with the family I have created today. Of the few times I have cried in my life they have been because I felt like I personally let him down. No he never gave me a reason to feel this way, but I had such a deep passion to make him happy and feel like he had created a wonderful person that I would rather die than feel like he was disappointed. Later in my life I have come to realize that all my father ever wanted was for me to be happy and try my best. This is why whenever I looked up in the stands at a wrestling match, football game, and yes even cross country meet, (it must be noted that I always finished at the back of the pack in these, asthma has a way of doing that to you) he was always there. He didn't care whether I won or lost, he was just happy to see me trying my best and doing something I love. I remember the feeling in my stomach the day I told him I no longer wished to play football. I had coaches promising me the world, scholarships, and state championship rings, but my heart was no longer in the game sadly due to an overbearing coach. I cried when I told him of my decision to quit, because I felt like I was in some way disappointing him. I'll never forget the way my father reacted when I told him. I guess in my mind I was expecting him to try and talk me out of it, or have him tell me to just try it a little longer, but instead he reached over to me, gave me the type of hug only a father can give and said, if that is what I wanted, then he understands and he is proud of me for making this decision. (man that went much better than the fifty ways I imagined it going in my head)

There were times growing up living with my mother that I would do something that would warrant a call to my father. I remember fighting these calls to the point of unplugging the phone. It wasn't the spanking's I feared nearly as much as my father looking in my eyes and telling me he was disappointed in my decision. At this point I wanted my father to be the type that beat me. ( it should also be noted that growing up he did have one of those father's and he vowed at that time never to be that type of man) I would rather have been beaten at these times than to have him look at me that way. I only hope one day that I to can raise my son and daughter to have these same feelings. I attribute a lot of the right decisions I have made in my life to the fear of getting "The Look."

All my life I remember my dad being the man that I wanted to grow up to be. Every year in school they always ask you who your hero was, and my response was always my father. I admired a man that risked his life for twenty-five plus years to protect and serve at a fraction of the pay that he deserved. Watching him leave on Christmas morning because someone murdered someone the night before, or watching him leave in the middle of the night dressed in all black in order to conduct a stake out. There is not another profession I could think of that would have made me more proud of my father. I guess that is why I chose to follow in his footsteps. Although I no longer choose to be in the law enforcement career field, I still have nightmares that wake me up covered in sweat scared to go back to sleep. Don't get me wrong I loved being a cop, but at this time in my life it was not in my best interest to continue down that road. More to come on the cop stuff in future blogs.

I could go on forever, literally forever telling you of all of the wonderful things this man has done for me, but I will spare all of you the novel. Maybe I'll write a book someday, and then you can read that. (don't hold your breath) For now I will just say thank you. Thank you for always being there for me, thank you for guiding me and being the perfect example of what a father should be, and thank you for the love and support you have shown me for the past twenty-six years.


Saturday, June 7, 2008

O.K. you Win

For the past couple of weeks my wife Granola Chic has been asking me (asking is really code for telling me) that I need to start a blog. Originally my first response was, yeah right that's not really my thing. After much consideration, (once again code for repeated asking from Granola) I have decided it may not be such a bad idea. It may take a while for me to really understand the world of blogging, but I'm sure I will soon be hooked. Everything in the past that Granola has suggested I do and I blew off usually ends up being something I really enjoy. (Shh... don't tell her I said that)

Seriously though, my wife is my rock, my guiding light, and my hero. I have never met someone who is so concerned about the well being of others no matter what harm they may be doing to themselves. She will literally drive herself to her mental and physical capacity to make sure our kids are receiving the best care that they can, and that I am receiving the best wife a man could ask for. She researches every single day to ensure that our son is receiving everything possible in hopes of curing him. When she plans meals for our family it isn't the typical what can I throw together for the family, she ensures that it is only what is best for us and especially what is best for our son. There is no favoritism for our son, it's just that he has special needs and she will do whatever it takes to heal him even if it kills her. I will go into further detail about his special needs in future blogs, but for now just know he and his little sis are what life is all about. For those of you who think you don't know if you want kids, just know that you haven't really lived unless you embrace the joys children can bring into your lives. There are so many wonderful things I could say about my wife, but there is no way I could put into a blog the feelings I have for her.

Once I figure out how to link blogs and do all of the other cool things I know can be done I will link her blog up with this one. Trust me, it will be much more researched, entertaining, and fulfilling than mine will ever be. That's it for now, and from all of us from the Bush household, you stay classy Blogger World. (Anchorman reference for those of you who are wondering what that was about)